Masking is something many autistic and ADHD adults learn to do without even knowing we’re doing it. For years, it can feel like we’re just “being polite,” “being professional,” or “being a good person.” Then one day we’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or burnt out and wondering why everything feels so hard.
Masking isn’t always obvious. It can be subtle, automatic, and deeply ingrained. Here are five signs you might still be masking, even if you think you’ve stopped.
1. You rehearse conversations in your head
Before social situations, meetings, phone calls, or even casual chats, do you run through what you might say?
You might:
• plan your tone
• prepare answers
• worry about sounding “normal”
• replay things afterwards
That mental effort is emotional labour. It’s a form of masking because you’re editing yourself before you even speak.
2. You copy and mimic how others behave
You might:
• mirror other people’s expressions
• copy how loudly or quietly they talk
• laugh when others laugh, even if you don’t get the joke
• adjust your personality depending on who you’re with
This isn’t being fake. It’s a survival strategy. But constantly adjusting yourself to fit others is exhausting.
3. You feel ok in the moment but crash later
You get through work, an event, or a family gathering and think, “That went well.” Then later you feel:
• irritable
• tearful
• completely drained
• like you can’t do anything else
That delayed crash can be your nervous system finally relaxing after holding everything in.
4.You hide your needs to avoid being ‘difficult’
You might:
• not ask for breaks
• pretend noise or lights don’t bother you
• say you’re ok when you’re not
• push through overload
You tell yourself:
“It’s not that bad.”
“I don’t want to make a fuss.”
“Other people cope.”
That’s masking your sensory and emotional needs.
5. You’re not sure who you are when you’re alone
When you stop performing roles (worker, parent, partner, friend), you might feel unsure:
• What do I actually like?
• What do I need?
• What do I enjoy when no one’s watching?
Long-term masking can blur your sense of identity because you’ve spent so long adapting to others.
For many people, becoming aware of masking can feel like a big internal shift, and adjusting to that can take time. I wrote more about the difference between change and transition HERE.
Realising you’re still masking isn’t a failure. It’s awareness. Masking helped you survive in environments that didn’t fully understand you. But it’s ok to start asking:
Where can I be more myself?
Where do I feel safe to drop the mask?
What small adjustments would help?