Communication is imperative in developing and maintaining healthy relationships, however, since losing my eyesight, this has not always been a straightforward process. Being blind regularly feels rather isolating because of this.

Repeatedly, I misinterpret situations, leading to confusion on both sides. This is because of the missing body language and eye contact that most people learn to take for granted. However, there are many adaptations and adjustments that people make in their communication for me to be able to follow along.

When it comes to discussing friends, I do not have any. I love my cats and guinea pigs, but I feel as though I cannot understand humans. In this case, it is probably easier to blame my blindness, however, truthfully, this is not the only reason. Resulting from trauma, my trust is limited; I freeze up and panic in the presence of others. However, due to a combination of both my blindness and trauma, I am unable to approach anyone. As this presumably makes me come across as being disengaged, this can be a problem at university. However, regardless as to what people think about my lack of communication, there are some people who do go above and beyond to adapt or adjust their communication in a way that is suitable for me. One example of this would be when at a medical setting, doctors and nurses often describe what it is they are doing and their intention to help me feel comfortable. Similarly, when I am at university, an example of this is that when in meetings with some staff, they would tell me what noises are if I am unsure (this can vary: from someone putting a pen down to someone accidentally dropping something), which makes me feel safer.

Awkward communication is a common theme when blind. Occasionally, I continue to talk when my Sighted Guide has left me, or I sometimes do not know they are there when they arrive. Not only can this be awkward, but also the topics that can come up. When talking to younger people, this can be very strange questions. When talking to older people who do not know me, they often express too much sympathy. Sympathy towards my disabilities confuses me, as my disabilities are part of my life – I experience these everyday therefore I do not need sympathy, but rather empathy.

Furthermore, there have been many situations in which sighted people talk slowly to me, as if I am a baby. When doing this, they would also talk in a high-pitched tone. This is really humiliating. Previously, people have been known to do this by accident however I still find this strange. Even more peculiar is when people shout when they talk to me. Fortunately, I have not encountered the shouting much, but it’s just amusing and weird that people feel the need to do so.

Personally, since losing my vision, I tend to try to be very clear in explaining where things are, entirely forgetting that most people I talk to can see. An example of this is when one of my brothers are looking for something, I would tell them exactly how many steps to the right/left it is or where they need to feel for it.

Initially, I used to become really annoyed when people used the word ‘see’, ‘watch’ or ‘look’ in a sentence. Therefore, when I was in lower and upper sixth form, I asked all my teachers to change their vocabulary for me. Following listening to many blind influencers, I now realise that this was unreasonable, as it is just the usual communication. Furthermore, these words are merely part of language and not an insult, for example, if someone was reading a news article, they may be asked if they have heard the specific news story, rather than if they have seen it. Although, when in conversation with some people, this can still be a little uncomfortable.

One of my preferences is however that whoever is talking to me/aiming to talk to me announces their presence prior to initiating conversation. This is because there have been many situations in which I was not aware that the person was talking/was aiming to talk to me.

Resulting from both my blindness and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I have often received feedback regarding my communication difficulties. Sometimes, my communication can be quite blunt and distant. As I am not used to communicating with people altogether and have the tendency to try to block out any connections with other people, I feel scared of communicating. Since the start of university, I have had 26 different Sighted Guides and Notetakers, whereas for most people, this would typically be a maximum of three or four across three years. Predominantly, these changes of support workers have happened due to my frustration in communicating my needs to various people. Additionally, when I feel overwhelmed, I completely shut down, so this can also come across as being impertinent. The worst thing about this is the embarrassment and helplessness which I feel after, and I really worry about upsetting others.

Writing emails is also a challenge. Throughout most of college, one of my younger brothers wrote and responded to emails for me, as I was not yet able to touch-type or use a screen reader. When starting university, it was a challenge to even turn my laptop on independently, let alone write an email to someone. As I felt as though no one really understood this, I avoided emailing lecturers at the beginning, as much as possible. I now can confidently use Jaws and Talkback, most importantly; my technology trainer is impressed with the skills I have developed since starting university.  Whilst I have developed more confidence in utilising technology, emails are still difficult. I struggle with the structure, spaces and content; therefore, I tend to prefer to talk to people in person. Additionally, as with any completely blind person, I struggle to use PowerPoint. I can type information into slides however cannot make my communication look visually appealing.

However, what annoys me the most about my communication since losing my vision is the amount of repetition in communicating to different people. I always need to repeat my wishes and needs to various people. For example, I have had to communicate the exact way in which I like my notes taken to 26 people, I have had to communicate the way in which I like to be guided to many people (more than can be counted) and I have had to communicate the nature of my disabilities and needs in relation to these to an unimaginable amount of people. Alternatively, potentially not even being able to access places to communicate could be viewed as a bigger issue. Not having a sighted guide to attend university or the accessibility entrance being broken can be viewed as a bigger concern.

Autonomy is something I often wish for since losing my eyesight. Often, my choice is neglected by support workers. One example of this is that on Wednesday I wanted to go somewhere (my support was booked to allow for this), however my sighted guide refused to do so. This was in the university, so therefore entirely reasonable. I did tell my sighted guide that this is just the bare minimum that I was requesting, as any sighted student would be allowed to do/go wherever they want. Another example of this is that during conversations with lecturers, my support workers often interfere. This is against the university’s rules and regulations for external support workers however this does not stop them. If I tell the lecturer something more personal, sighted guides are very good at invalidating my feelings. If I feel I am behind with work, often my sighted guides/notetakers say that I am not; but what do they know? Of course, over believing me, people choose to believe my sighted guides/support workers. I suppose this isn’t all bad, as I have learnt that I always must help myself, as no one else can.

Nevertheless, there are some things that I would argue have been better in regard to my communication since losing my vision. In my opinion, if it weren’t for my blindness, I would have never had help from some of the people I have had help from. One example of this would be, three days after losing my ‘remaining vision’, I returned to high school – the teachers there did not support me at all, but rather one of my brothers and his friends, who were in year 7 at the time. My brother is still friends with all these people, and I sometimes meet his friends with him. Whilst I did lose all my friends when becoming blind (they said that they did not want to associate themselves with someone who is “severely disabled”), I have been able to communicate with some of the best people, such as my disability advisor, and some of my old teachers from college.